Reasons Why Shields Rule!, yes this post again Options

[Rabain]

These posts go back to the days of the old Blackisle forums...long ago!

Anyway I don't know who wrote them but I think they're great!

Why I love my shield as opposed to dual wield or two handed weapons:

1. I can use my shield to go sledding. Even two broadswords make lousy skis.

2. Makes a great griddle over the fire. Worgdogs have tendencies to fall off
swords. Xan's sword is completely useless being fire resistant and all as
the worgdogs don't cook right on the inside. And you can forget about that
war hammer plus two for cooking. You might as well call it war hammer plus I
'm still really hungry.

3. Polish your shield real glossy and you can do that whole defeat Medusa
reflection thing. Without out it, close your eyes, start swinging, and hope
for the best.

4. I can paint my shield and place a big skull on it or a menacing message
(like "I am the law, and I am real p*ssed" or "If you can read this, your
too close" or "I should of killed your mom when I had the chance" or "
Berserker on Board" or " I've never been in touch with my feminine side" and
my favorite " Your gonna die b*tch!". The most you can do with your weapon
is carve your initials in the handle so no one will take it.

5. I can hide a Dwarf behind my shield so I can say lines like " Say hello
to my little friend." (Yes I know you can hide a dwarf in your cloak, but
there is only one question people ask you when this happens and the only
response is " yes, there is a dwarf in my pocket, and no, I'm not happy to
see you".) With only weapons it's " Hi, I'm so-and-so and this is a dwarf ".
The dwarf, seeing how lame you are, commences to leave.
I will think of more later.

PS I've read some disgusting posts on frying, broiling, and roasting elves.
This sort of thing just sickens me. Everyone knows that elves need to be
boiled and served with butter.

(the second post)

More Reasons why shields rule:

1. Chicks dig it. "Oooooh.....Is that your shield? It's sooooo big.".

2. Halflings with a large shield must stand on their tippy toes to see over
it to view the enemy. Once said enemy is rolling on the ground with laughter
Halfling then proceeds to kill said enemy. "How do you like that tall, dark,
and stupid!"

3. Always use protection. Accidents can happen. (there is a two percent
chance that the shield might fail.)

4. When facing a dual wield opponent, simply raise shield and wait for the
"I'm a ninja!" demonstration to end. Then gut him.

5. A good shield will hide the crappy armor your wearing. "That stealth
armor I bought seemed like a good idea at the time."

6. Get enough people with shields, and you can make a fort!

7. If you place sponges on your shield, you never have to buy arrows again.

8. Did I mention chicks dig the shield? "Wow, did you see the size of his
shield! And you know the bigger the shield........" Well, you get the idea.

SHIELDS RULE!